I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
