***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
