if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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