I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
