he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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