so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
