I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
