3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
