weddingsv make me drug and hornr
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
