a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
the liver wants what the liver wants
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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