why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
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