he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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