I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
