one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
