Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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