I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
