he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
