I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
