i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
He has the fingertips of a God
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