This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
