all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i drank out of a bidet.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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