O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
