she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
