I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
