i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
