Ambien. No doubt about it.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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