Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
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At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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