I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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