So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
