i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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