woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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