So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
