final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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