I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
