my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There's even glitter on my cock...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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