All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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