I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
