I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
