How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
