Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
