so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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