he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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