OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
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For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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