she looked like the bat from fern gully.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
