i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
