How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
from now on my penis is your penis
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
