He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
