I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
