just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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