Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
