I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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