Whod you bang
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
