mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I want her autograph on my taint
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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