That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
