gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
