Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
