Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
