FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
