Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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