okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
