I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
