its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
