so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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