I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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