Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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