1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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