3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
