tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
