yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
