worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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