proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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