So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
