One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
