I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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