just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
