He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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