I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
